The Child Therapist: 1

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Once upon a time, in a faraway land lived a young girl with her parents. She was quite the queer sort, had trouble fitting in with her peers, couldn’t read or write and had a terrible time at school. The toddler faced a lot of ridicule and humiliation at the hands of her teachers, had basically no friends. The only friends she had were two bullies, on was a liar and a thief, and the other had a hidden cruelty in her. They kept her around so they could brow-beat the girl for fun…children are cruel. At home, the parents always fought. Screaming, shouting and more…the parents didn’t have enough money, had a lot of debt and they were extremely incompatible. The mother was insensitive who always remained drowned in her own sorrows: She was an orphan, had a brother with down’s syndrome and  it was through a lot of toil and trouble she pursued her education and became a teacher. The father was an oversensitive man: He was neglected as a child, never loved by his mother and the woman he loved married someone else. The only reason these two ended up together is because the wife looked like his lost-love, and the reason she married him was because she needed a safe haven for herself and her retarded brother. Until they started living together, the young couple didn’t realize how utterly destructive they were together. All the did was fight…to add to this uncomfortable situation, the woman was pregnant. She gave birth to a beautiful little baby-girl, and then ignored her for the rest of childhood. The girl grew up unloved and neglected, prone to anxiety and mockery…no one would help, they wouldn’t teach her anything. But she was an intelligent child, she learnt how to get their attention, since crying didn’t work she developed her listening skills. She became her mother’s confidante, her mother told her every minute, miserable detail of her painful past, her disadvantageous present and that is how the mother slowly started noticing her. To be quite honest, the woman hadn’t thought of her as a blessing before this.

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Freud For Rookies 

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Sigmund Freud, the Austrian psychiatrist (who thought heroin was a great medicinal drug) was the propounder of the Psychodynamic School of Thought. Psychology is a very creative and freakish subject which emphasizes on objectivity but it as a subject is totally subjective. It’s philosophical, scientific and so much more. 

His first theory was the structural theory of mind, you know…that Id, Ego and Superego thing? Fun fact: you know in movies or sitcoms when the protagonist has a moral dilemma and wonders if he should study or blow off school and play truant…and then the angel and the devil appear on his opposite shoulders ?  It’s actually the comic representation of the structural theory of Freud; where the guy is Ego, the angel is the Superego and Id is obviously the devil.

  1. Id is guided by the pleasure principal, so this part of the mind is basically a whiny child who screams and shouts till she gets what she wants. 
  2. Ego is the moderator /connector between the two extremes. The boy who wants to skip class and catch a movie but can’t because he knows he has to get into a good college.
  3. The Superego , the angel…the structure that is responsible for making us responsible. It’s because of our Superego that we can’t decide which restaurant to go to, which dress to wear or what to text back.

The next theory is the topographical theory of the mind. Three levels of the mind: Conscious , Subconscious and Unconscious. This is fairly well known throughout the techniverse, this and Maslow’s hierarchy.

The third and most interesting theory proposed by him is the Psychosexual theory. According to this theory, our childhood can be divided into five stages:

  1. Oral stage: the stage when we are about a year old. When we love putting things in our mouth. 
  2. Anal stage: from ages 1-3, this is the time of toilet training. This the period when we explore our feces. Yes, you read correctly. Apparently this feels good at that age.
  3. Phallic stage : ages 3-6, we have a weird unconscious desire to sexually conquer the parent of the opposite sex. Or the same sex incase of gay people, I don’t know because Freud didn’t know gay people back then. So incase you are attempting to conquer your mom, you start mimicking you dad…which seems adorable on the outside but is actually very creepy if you think about it. I guess, some people don’t go through this stage at, they turn out asexual.
  4. Latency: 6- adolescence , the age of cooties, same-sex mingling and herd mentality. The only period where a person is not doing something odd.
  5. Genital: 18-adulthood, the age of intimacy, sexual relations and other stuff that is marketed by the advertisements.

    Freud also gave us the concept of dream analysis but that’s just hocus-pocus for right now. The most hilariously flawed concept is of “Penis Envy” and “Phallic Rage”: according to this women hate men because they have a penis and women don’t…lol,right?

    So while Freud’s the awesomest psychologist ever, he was in someways  a weird dude.