The Crush Diaries: Episode three

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Previously, on the series: The Crush Diaries: Back To The Future . Have fun reading!

Dear reader,

I want to tell you that I am not some boy-crazy bumblebee. But it could certainly come across that way, since my series is based on a list on my not-so-happening love life. I’m not whining, I really am not. I’m happy being this way. Just needed to clarify that. Now, moving on.

This is the story of a thirteen year old me.  I don’t fully understand if this was a crush or not, I mean I thought he was very attractive but I find almost everyone attractive. This was the year that I got separated from most of my friends. A new year with a bunch of unknown faces, the year I took up Sanskrit as my second language. An unfamiliar territory where all the cliques began formation, and I stood out like a sore needle. There were only two known faces, two friends whom I knew.

So, one of these friends was the ‘tik tok’ singer I previously mentioned, she’s still my friend. Let me tell you a bit more about her: she is a cool girl, somewhat similar to Cersei Lannister. On top having an engaging personality and a mention-worthy brain, she was also endowed with bucket loads of classical beauty. Obviously, she had a lot of admirers…admirers she didn’t admire back. One of them was a classmate, who had obsessive tendencies. Disturbing her, irritating her was the favourite pass time for him and his wolf pack ( troop of monkeys, idk).

One of them was the guy I found attractive. I thought that he was just a pretty boy, pleasing to my eyes. One day, my friend and this guy were engrossed in a high-speed sidewalk chase. My friend shot right past me and decided to use me as a shield. The boy stopped in his tracks, pondered for a minute. He had a bottle of water in his hands, and somehow he thought spilling its contents on me would be the appropriate thing to do. Because that is what sane people do.

This marked the beginning of my weird life encounters. I guess him throwing water on me made us buddies. Now we’d talk about common stuff, sometimes chat on facebook. Okay, you could say I may have developed a little bit of a crush on him. And I probably shouldn’t have got caught up in all of this. He already liked someone else, and it was never going to work out with me. People got wind of this, started teasing him and stuff.

Let’s just say, he hated every moment of it. Turns out he thought I was a repulsive creature, made a lot of colourful comparisons of me with muddy water and what not. Lied to my face when I asked him about it. Each humiliating comment he made, made its way back to me. And it did wonders for my self-esteem. This, on top of the pressure to do well in studies…bad class tests, rude teachers and miscommunication with friends, led to the first time I experienced depression. I felt alone and I vehemently started hating school and all of my classmates.

I felt like an outcast, I felt ashamed and I hated everyone who made me feel that way. And I changed, I was no longer the chirpy person I used to be. Some people say that I grew up and became a more serious person. Others say, that maybe I became a bit too serious; that maybe who I was changed drastically into someone much different.

It’s now that I realize that this has all benefited me in the long run, I’m a stronger person now. I don’t know why it bothered me so much. Yes, the words did hurt but maybe it was that I totally had this warped idea of him, and “Ugly” was all he thought of me.

But it’s okay. I’m fine now.

 

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