Read the previous post about another ridiculous romantic failure of yours truly. Here’s the link: The Crush Diaries: Episode three.
If you’ve read the previous episode, you know that it ended horribly. And the after effects haunted me till about the age of fifteen, and the depression makes a cameo now and then. After that tempest like year ended, I acted slightly different. No, I was definitely different. I still didn’t fit in, but I cared less. I even made some friends in those years, however, most of them ( except a rare few) are no longer a part of my life.
One of my friends was a classmate, the boy with “obsessive tendencies” who had a massive crush on my friend. When the school year of ridicule ended and we entered 9th grade, a few of us from that class remained together even after the shuffling. I didn’t really like him back then, he was a good student and I never spoke to him if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. But since we were familiar to each other, we started conversing. Turned out that he was a pretty nice guy, fun to talk to. The sad part was that he was best friends with The Master of Ridicule ( the boy from episode three). And every foul thing said about me, would soon be revealed to mock me in the most scornful manner possible.
This was also the time I was selected as a junior prefect and my bus mate was selected as the Sports Captain. I started crushing on him and my friends made such a glorious spectacle out of it. How joyful it was to be teased this way (not). That crush faded as well. Soon came the end of 10th grade, on the last day of school, out of nowhere I heard that the friend who had previously been crushing on my other friend…now had a crush on me?
I downplayed it and tried to neutralize situation, trying my best to restore the normalcy. I still have no clue what actually happened. During the school break – after the exams were over- one of his friends had a chat with me on Facebook. He asked me if I liked anyone, and I said I didn’t. Because I actually hated most of my school population. Both of them texted me one day, we spoke about Sherlock Holmes, Doctor Who and other stuff. At the end of our convo, he/his friend declared that he “kinda” liked me.
The beginning of eleventh standard, the hooliganism that was directed previously at my pretty friend was now directed at me. With this, came unwanted attention and scrutiny. Endless teasing and mockery. That didn’t really matter to me, as long as the friendship he and I had remained untainted. But that wasn’t meant to be, people started saying mean things about me, things which may seem like silly jokes to most. But for someone as self-important as myself, misogynistic remarks like: Domestic, “Ambition to be his wife” and other such dejecting comments made me hate them, him and more greatly myself.
I have and will always put myself before everyone. And my life has no vacancies for pompous misogynists and other such bigots. Everyone is capable of great things, so am I. As much as I had thought that he was a good friend, my perspective changed when heard what he had to say about me and about women in general. I didn’t want to be associated with him or any one like that anymore, I didn’t want the unsolicited comments nor did I want the surveillance of gossipy classmates.
So we stopped speaking ( rather I stopped speaking to him). Funnily enough,he started dating one our classmates. I was a bit miffed at first, I didn’t understand why…but I figured it’s good that he did that. At least, no more drama. I was me again. I found peace and he found a girlfriend. Thus, both of us got what we needed.
A happy ending indeed.