The Poetry Of Light

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The last ray of sunshine at the dawn of Dusk,

Setting afire her burning eyes,

The only way, the livid rage of her soul could ever transpire.

That was the last evening that we spent,

But sometimes I still remember:

The morning breeze in her hair,

While she stared out at the Sun with her lovely gaze

I remained astounded by her beautiful dimples in the daylight daze,

Her rosy cheeks and auburn hair,

illuminated by the sunny glare.

I still remember those days I spent with her,

She told me;

Do you see?

From the azure of the sky,

the green shades of the grassy blades,

To the wispy white clouds up-high,

A luminosity of shining colours…

That’s the brilliant poem,

The poetry of light.

What About You?

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Hi there.

Been a while since I wrote. Well, the reason behind that is I have been busy participating in life ( a really futile task,to be honest). So in my last post I mentioned a dating experiment…well, scrap that. You know how you sometimes you try very hard and then you still get your heart broken because whatever you do is not enough? Or how the other person can just never provide you with the enough amount of attention or affection and you are left wondering if the other people he/she dated had no such demands. You keep on wondering if you are too high-maintenance or are you not normal? Well, I don’t know if it happens to you but for me, it is my dominant feeling.

What one needs to be happy, is to feel accepted. And what should one do when they can see the other person trying to change them to their convenience…you just let it happen? And how do you fight back or decide if this is something you want to resist against? What if the other person changes you so much that you do not even recognize yourself or know who you are? The most important question: What about YOU? Your needs?

Relationships are  a lot of work, in fact, too much work. Why spend so much time on something that may expire at any moment? One should rather work on oneself, gain knowledge, gather experience and enjoy the aesthetic pleasure of simplicities. Be selfish. Because that is the only way to ensure happiness, love yourself more than you love everyone else.

The Child Therapist: 1

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Once upon a time, in a faraway land lived a young girl with her parents. She was quite the queer sort, had trouble fitting in with her peers, couldn’t read or write and had a terrible time at school. The toddler faced a lot of ridicule and humiliation at the hands of her teachers, had basically no friends. The only friends she had were two bullies, on was a liar and a thief, and the other had a hidden cruelty in her. They kept her around so they could brow-beat the girl for fun…children are cruel. At home, the parents always fought. Screaming, shouting and more…the parents didn’t have enough money, had a lot of debt and they were extremely incompatible. The mother was insensitive who always remained drowned in her own sorrows: She was an orphan, had a brother with down’s syndrome and  it was through a lot of toil and trouble she pursued her education and became a teacher. The father was an oversensitive man: He was neglected as a child, never loved by his mother and the woman he loved married someone else. The only reason these two ended up together is because the wife looked like his lost-love, and the reason she married him was because she needed a safe haven for herself and her retarded brother. Until they started living together, the young couple didn’t realize how utterly destructive they were together. All the did was fight…to add to this uncomfortable situation, the woman was pregnant. She gave birth to a beautiful little baby-girl, and then ignored her for the rest of childhood. The girl grew up unloved and neglected, prone to anxiety and mockery…no one would help, they wouldn’t teach her anything. But she was an intelligent child, she learnt how to get their attention, since crying didn’t work she developed her listening skills. She became her mother’s confidante, her mother told her every minute, miserable detail of her painful past, her disadvantageous present and that is how the mother slowly started noticing her. To be quite honest, the woman hadn’t thought of her as a blessing before this.

What’s on my mind.

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When we think of ‘commitment phobia’, what do we assume? We assume a guy who doesn’t want to settle down with the girl he’s been dating for the last fifteen years. But is it possible that there is some other version of it? What about the plans we refuse to make, the plans that we make and hope someone cancels it so we don’t have to do the tricky job of calling it off.  What about the girl who is too nervous to put work into something that is not self-satisfaction based, the girl who only wants to live a hassle-free, organized-messy life with her time left all to herself. A person to who gets a metaphorical anxiety attack when she realizes that this is going to a lot of work. Is this a commitment phobic person?  I think, yes.

I, for one, am the girl who is so nervous about every little decision I make. I don’t second-guess myself, but I fear the outcome. For someone who wants nothing more than to be a success , expending time and energy of something that may/may not have a positive outcome seems like too big a leap of faith. Anxiety is over brimming my consciousness…but what can you do? You have to do what you promised to do.

All I hope for is that I do not end up with something stagnant and futile. Anxiety and commitment phobia…a little too heady an intoxication.

Freud For Rookies 

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Sigmund Freud, the Austrian psychiatrist (who thought heroin was a great medicinal drug) was the propounder of the Psychodynamic School of Thought. Psychology is a very creative and freakish subject which emphasizes on objectivity but it as a subject is totally subjective. It’s philosophical, scientific and so much more. 

His first theory was the structural theory of mind, you know…that Id, Ego and Superego thing? Fun fact: you know in movies or sitcoms when the protagonist has a moral dilemma and wonders if he should study or blow off school and play truant…and then the angel and the devil appear on his opposite shoulders ?  It’s actually the comic representation of the structural theory of Freud; where the guy is Ego, the angel is the Superego and Id is obviously the devil.

  1. Id is guided by the pleasure principal, so this part of the mind is basically a whiny child who screams and shouts till she gets what she wants. 
  2. Ego is the moderator /connector between the two extremes. The boy who wants to skip class and catch a movie but can’t because he knows he has to get into a good college.
  3. The Superego , the angel…the structure that is responsible for making us responsible. It’s because of our Superego that we can’t decide which restaurant to go to, which dress to wear or what to text back.

The next theory is the topographical theory of the mind. Three levels of the mind: Conscious , Subconscious and Unconscious. This is fairly well known throughout the techniverse, this and Maslow’s hierarchy.

The third and most interesting theory proposed by him is the Psychosexual theory. According to this theory, our childhood can be divided into five stages:

  1. Oral stage: the stage when we are about a year old. When we love putting things in our mouth. 
  2. Anal stage: from ages 1-3, this is the time of toilet training. This the period when we explore our feces. Yes, you read correctly. Apparently this feels good at that age.
  3. Phallic stage : ages 3-6, we have a weird unconscious desire to sexually conquer the parent of the opposite sex. Or the same sex incase of gay people, I don’t know because Freud didn’t know gay people back then. So incase you are attempting to conquer your mom, you start mimicking you dad…which seems adorable on the outside but is actually very creepy if you think about it. I guess, some people don’t go through this stage at, they turn out asexual.
  4. Latency: 6- adolescence , the age of cooties, same-sex mingling and herd mentality. The only period where a person is not doing something odd.
  5. Genital: 18-adulthood, the age of intimacy, sexual relations and other stuff that is marketed by the advertisements.

    Freud also gave us the concept of dream analysis but that’s just hocus-pocus for right now. The most hilariously flawed concept is of “Penis Envy” and “Phallic Rage”: according to this women hate men because they have a penis and women don’t…lol,right?

    So while Freud’s the awesomest psychologist ever, he was in someways  a weird dude.

    Why It Is imperative To Have a Bucket List

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    Eric Erikson, a neo-freudian gave the eight stages of psychosocial development that starts from the womb and ends in the tomb. He said that at the last stage when we’re 65+ we face either of the two things: Despair or peace. He says that the ones who fall under the category of despair are the ones who believe that they haven’t got any memories, any experience to be proud or fond of. Andthought drives them in to despondence, the thought of having lived a fruitless and unfulfilled life. That’s the reason they fear death. Majority of the population experiences the fear of death…the fear of living a life of stagnation and pointlessness. A life with no outcome, of being a person who never made a difference. I for one am not quite afraid of death, and no, I haven’t lived a very fulfilling life considering my life just started. But I do fear the pain of it…does it hurt when the rope snaps one’s neck? It must be uncomfortable to be strangled to death. 

    So coming to the point why one needs to have a bucket list: it’s not possible for all of us to live a gala life but we are capable of forming grand memories to summarize our lives as a satisfying and rewarding one. So plan stuff, go to movies , try adventure sports, go trekking and try different food, make new acquaintances and spend some time helping a lost individual…do a random act of kindness. Ergo, my point is: try hard, be curious and have a fun so that you don’t die sad.